i barfeds in our rink
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
