I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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