Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
