I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
