wrigley field is MILF paradise
i barfeds in our rink
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
