Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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