She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
