I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
