I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
