well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
