Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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