Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
