The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
