Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
