I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
