I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
