South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
