my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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