im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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