remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
