I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
