no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
