There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to calm my uterus...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
