I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
