i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
