separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
