I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
