I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
