It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
