so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
