well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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