This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
