so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
