what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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