You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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