they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
