Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
