I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
