He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
vagina is talking i cant
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
