I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
