i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
