I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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