umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
