i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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