you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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