Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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