also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
