The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
