So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
