i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
