Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need a beard to bite.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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