I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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