So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
