I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
