So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
